I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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