You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
