I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
