I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
