My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
