turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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