so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
