Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
