drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's just like the Real World with babies
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
