I want you more than these girls want KFC
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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