I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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