so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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