I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
