I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
