wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
