How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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