I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
