My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
