after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
