Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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