Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
