It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
