i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
