Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
