Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize