Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
