the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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