you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
