You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
time to smoke my breakfast
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
