So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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