kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
