Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
