I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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