May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
