my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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