Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
