I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
