I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
