Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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