that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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