Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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