The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
