There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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