Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
