I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
