You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So much Jack, so little girl.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
