Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
