Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So much Jack, so little girl.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
