when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
