Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize