Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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