nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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