just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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