Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
