bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
