Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
two words: eviction party
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
