He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
