I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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