you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
