And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
