listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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