God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need a burrito and a hug.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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