apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
