we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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