mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
